What is Coregulation? How can it help me Help my child or loved one?

💛 What is Coregulation?

Coregulation is the process of calming and supporting someone by staying emotionally present, steady, and connected with them. It’s when your calm helps their nervous system settle.

We are wired for connection—especially during stress. Children, teens, and even adults often need another person to help them feel safe enough to regulate their own emotions.

🧠 How Does It Work?

When someone is in distress (crying, angry, anxious, shut down), their nervous system is dysregulated. Talking or reasoning may not help right away. But if you stay calm and connected, their body and brain begin to feel safe, which makes it easier for them to calm down too.

🤝 Coregulation Looks Like:

• Staying physically present without rushing or judging

• Using a calm voice and body language

• Offering empathy: “I see this is really hard for you.”

• Gentle touch (if appropriate and welcomed)

• Deep breathing together

• Being a steady, non-anxious presence

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🚫 Coregulation Is Not:

• Fixing or solving everything right away

• Saying “You’re fine” or “Calm down”

• Minimizing their feelings

• Taking on their emotions as your own

  
  

✅ Why Is It Helpful?

• Helps reduce fight/flight/freeze responses

• Builds trust and emotional safety

• Supports emotional development, especially in kids

• Models healthy regulation skills

• Calms the situation without power struggles

  
  

💬 Simple Example:

Child: [Crying, overwhelmed]

Adult: [Kneels beside them, calm voice]“It’s okay to feel upset. I’m here with you. Let’s breathe together.” The adult then starts to do some deep breathing and the child will eventually mirror the adults breathing.

🌱 Over time, coregulation teaches self-regulation—because they learn how to calm down by first experiencing it with you.