Avoiding Power Struggles with Kids: Collaborative Problem Solving Meets Parental Authority

Stacy Hankey
3 days ago
2 min read

Every parent knows the frustration of a power struggle—those moments when a simple request spirals into resistance, arguments, or tears. While Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach offers a powerful framework for reducing conflict, it’s equally important to recognize that parenting also requires moments of firm authority. The balance between collaboration and leadership is what helps children feel both heard and guided.

What is Collaborative Problem Solving?

Ross Greene’s CPS model emphasizes that kids do well if they can. When children resist, it’s often due to lagging skills rather than defiance. CPS encourages parents to:

Identify the child’s concerns.
Share the parent’s concerns.
Work together to find mutually satisfactory solutions.

This approach shifts the dynamic from “because I said so” to “let’s solve this together,” reducing tension and building trust.

Why Power Struggles Happen

Power struggles often arise when:

Kids feel unheard or dismissed.
Parents enforce rules without explanation.
Both sides dig in, trying to “win.”

By using CPS, parents can avoid unnecessary battles and teach problem-solving skills that last a lifetime.

When Parents Must Be the Authority

Collaboration doesn’t mean children run the household. There are times when parents must step in as the authoritative figure:

Safety issues: A child cannot negotiate about wearing a seatbelt.
Health concerns: Bedtimes, nutrition, and medical care are non-negotiable.
Respect and boundaries: Parents must model and enforce respect in the home.

In these moments, children may not get to call the shots—and that’s okay. Authority provides structure, security, and consistency.

Striking the Balance

The key is balance:

Use CPS to avoid unnecessary battles and empower kids to voice concerns.
Step into authority when safety, health, or respect are at stake.
Communicate clearly why certain rules are non-negotiable.
Show empathy even when enforcing boundaries.

This balance teaches children that while their voices matter, parents are ultimately responsible for guiding them toward safe and healthy choices.

Conclusion

Avoiding power struggles isn’t about giving up authority—it’s about using it wisely. By blending Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving with firm, loving boundaries, parents can raise children who feel respected, secure, and capable of handling life’s challenges.

Looking for more guidance and support with avoiding power struggles with your children?- Call Waterview Counseling Services, in Watertown, CT (860) 483-0360 to schedule an appointment with a licensed therapist.