What is Codependency?

Codependency is an unhealthy pattern in relationships where one person prioritizes someone else’s needs, feelings, or problems above their own to the point that their own identity and well-being suffer.

It often involves excessive caretaking, difficulty setting boundaries, low self-esteem, and a deep need to feel needed or responsible for others’ happiness or actions.

🔄 What Does Codependency Look Like?

• You feel responsible for other people’s emotions or problems

• You put others first, even if it hurts you

• You have trouble saying no or setting boundaries

• You fear rejection or abandonment

• You feel guilty when taking care of yourself

• Your mood depends on how others are doing

• You stay in one-sided, draining, or toxic relationships

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Codependency can show up in romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships, or even work settings.

🧠 Where Does It Come From?

Codependency often develops from:

• Growing up in dysfunctional or emotionally neglectful families

• Caretaking a parent or sibling with addiction, illness, or instability

• Learning early that your needs don’t matter—or are a burden

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🛠️ How to Break Free from Codependency

1. Build Self-Awareness

• Keep a journal to explore your patterns in relationships

• Ask: “Why do I feel responsible for this person’s emotions?”

• Notice when you feel guilt, fear, or resentment—that’s a clue

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2. Learn to Set Boundaries

• Start small: say “no” when you mean it

• Remember: Boundaries protect your peace, not push others away

• Practice phrases like:

“I care about you, but I need time for myself.”

“I’m not able to take that on right now.”

3. Separate Yourself from Others’ Problems

• You can support people without solving or fixing their issues

• Ask: “What’s truly mine to carry?”

• Repeat: “I am not responsible for their choices or happiness.”

  
  

4. Reclaim Your Identity

• What do YOU like, want, need, and feel—outside of others?

• Try activities that are just for you

• Build a sense of self that doesn’t rely on being needed

  
  

5. Challenge the Guilt

You might feel selfish for prioritizing yourself—but you’re not.

Ask yourself: “Would I expect a loved one to feel guilty for taking care of themselves?”

6. Seek Support

• Therapy (especially trauma-informed or CBT) can help you break these patterns

• Support groups like CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) offer connection and tools

• Read helpful books like:

  • “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie

  • “The Language of Letting Go” (daily meditations)

    
    

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Codependency is a survival strategy—often learned early. Healing isn’t about blame. It’s about learning a healthier, more loving way to relate to yourself and others.

💬 “I deserve healthy love, including from myself.”

If you would like more support with your healing journey, call (860) 483-0360 to schedule an appointment with a licensed therapist.